Thursday 19 March 2020

Everyone needs a father

In this crazy world at the moment, we're going into un-chartered territory for some months to come, with our lives, health and finances all at risk from the Coronavirus. We're all clearly going to have a lot of time on our hands for reflection and I've been doing that just recently in respect of my father. I show him below during WW2.
He died in 1969, when he was just 50 and I was 22. Up until his death I had always had a pretty poor relationship with him, he worked extremely hard to support the family, worked himself to death in all respects, but he was not a good family man. At 22 years old, I had a whole lifetime in front of me and so little time for a father that shared little with me, that, as far as I was concerned, could come later in my life, which of course it never did.

I was the second child, born in 1947, a year after the first child, a girl, died just a week after birth. Therefore when my sister was born in 1950, I guess he always saw her as the replacement for the first one and favoured her at my expense for the rest of his short life. Later came three other children but my father had his favourite and so it was and so I spent my childhood and teenage years being somewhat withdrawn from normal family relationships. As a result I guess, I've struggled with relationships all of my life and still do to this day, always needing a great deal of time with just myself.
However, around ten years ago and after the death of my mother, I gradually found myself being drawn back into the family circle after a long time out of it. I guess as I plodded through my sixties and into my seventies, I was being looked upon as a father figure by my younger siblings, a funny kind of realisation. That led me, as the curiosity of old age often does, to begin researching my family history and in particular, the male line from myself backwards. That, while it has been very successful, rewarding and enlightening, has exposed a great and much regretted hole in my life, all  those missed bonding chats with my father. The missed opportunities to ask him what growing up on Sheppey in the 1920's was like, what the countryside and living conditions were like, what his parents and his aunties and uncles were like, why he went into the army in 1935, earlier than he should by saying that he was eighteen when he was really only sixteen.
I was lucky in that I managed to get hold of his complete army record in the Buffs until de-mob at the end of the War and seeing what he did and endured through that helped me realise that there was far more to him than the person that I thought that I knew, when I was just twenty two. 
I would dearly loved to have chatted with him over the last ten years or more, because everybody needs a father and I missed the opportunity to have one.

26 comments:

  1. My father would have been about the same age and he too was in the army, and when I look back on the role that he played as a father and my role as a father, its very different. But then he grew up in a different era to what I did and that experience determined his attitude and role. Looking back now I think the best we can do is try to understand what made them the way they were.

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    Replies
    1. I totally agree with you Dave, any father who fought through the war had every reason for carrying those experiences in their mind for the rest of their lives.

      Delete
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      Hello my name is Kallya from USA i want to tell the world about the great and mighty spell caster called Priest Ade my husband was cheating on me and no longer committed to me and our kids when i asked him what the problem was he told me he has fell out of love for me and wanted a divorce i was so heart broken i cried all day and night but he left home i was looking for something online when i saw an article how the great and powerful Priest Ade have helped so many in similar situation like mine he email address was there so i sent him an email telling him about my problem he told me he shall return back to me within 24hrs i did everything he asked me to do the nest day to my greatest surprise my husband came back home and was crying and begging for me to forgive and accept him back he can also help you contact

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      Hello my name is Kallya from USA i want to tell the world about the great and mighty spell caster called Priest Ade my husband was cheating on me and no longer committed to me and our kids when i asked him what the problem was he told me he has fell out of love for me and wanted a divorce i was so heart broken i cried all day and night but he left home i was looking for something online when i saw an article how the great and powerful Priest Ade have helped so many in similar situation like mine he email address was there so i sent him an email telling him about my problem he told me he shall return back to me within 24hrs i did everything he asked me to do the nest day to my greatest surprise my husband came back home and was crying and begging for me to forgive and accept him back he can also help you contact

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      Blog: https://priestade.blogspot.com

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    3. HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF PRIEST WISDOM CONTACT ON WHATS_APP NUMBER +2348124644470


      This is my testimony about the good work of priest wisdom who help me ... I'm Ann Earnis from north Carolina USA. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to, by this world best spell caster that brought back my husband who left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 1 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told me have come to pass and thank you sir. Please I want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to their problem, I advise you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tells is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is supernaturalspell1@gmail.com or directly on whats-app +2348124644470  https://supernaturalspell21.blogspot.com/

























      HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF PRIEST WISDOM CONTACT ON WHATS_APP NUMBER +2348124644470


      This is my testimony about the good work of priest wisdom who help me ... I'm Ann Earnis from north Carolina USA. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to, by this world best spell caster that brought back my husband who left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 1 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told me have come to pass and thank you sir. Please I want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to their problem, I advise you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tells is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is supernaturalspell1@gmail.com or directly on whats-app +2348124644470  https://supernaturalspell21.blogspot.com/


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  2. Thank you for this post, you dad looks like a thoughtful man, and handsome. Interesting how now you are being seen as rather a father figure for your siblings. There are many things I wish I had chatted about with my mother, who was only 56 when she died in 1971. I am writing a family history as the request of my sons.

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  3. Thank you as well Terra. I guess that getting on with work and bringing up children prevents many of us from talking to our parents until it's too late.

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  4. I think both you and your two correspondents above have said it all really Derek - it was a different era and wartime brought many obstacles to our lives. I think I was very lucky being an 'afterthought' - my parents were well in their forties when I was born and I had a sister twenty two years older than me. In spite of the war (my brother was at Dunkirk) I had a happy and carefree childhood with loving parents and for that I have always been so grateful.

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  5. Your feelings so much mirror mine, Derek. I was born in late 1938, my father went off to the war in 1939 and I first remember seeing him when he was demobbed in 1946. So we never formed a bond. He died in 1989 and I often wonder about his early life and want to ask him questions.

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  6. Hello Derek, I have just spotted your on Pat's blog and realised that I'd not "seen" you in a long time.
    I hope you are alright!
    Like you said in your comment, it's amazing how quickly the soil looks dry; we've had a week of sunshine, plus it's been rather windy, and already the fields look more like high summer than early April.

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  7. "I have just spotted your comment", that should have been.

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  8. Sorry, I am a little late to reading your blog. Like you I felt rejected by my father and grew apart from him. A fatal car accident did for any aspirations that he would mellow in later life. It was later in my own life that an interest in classic cars made me realise just how many people got into cars because they reminded them of their close relationship with their fathers, and this hit hard. At his funeral an aunt who I hardly ever see (due to distance) made a chance comment that before the war he was such a prankster and was always laughing and making others laugh. This came as a shock and a moment of awakening and understanding for me. A bit of research made me realise that he had been through so much so a sort of closure has taken place. It seems that many sons from our generation missed the closeness and a role model that we craved?

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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